As a child I swore up and down you would not become
What I saw hanging at the waist of my mother,
To the hip of my grandmother.
They say that babies do not change you
Make you fall or sag- but that is only true
For tiny titties and not true for babushkas like you.
For when one begins before motherhood as a Double D
The very first added inch of girth and stretch
The very first added ounce of milk storage capacity
Is a tipping point from which
You will never return.
So I do understand, and it was no surprise what happened.
Progesterone and Prolactin’s pregnancy tease of perkiness
Taut like the Octomom’s lips
Sustained through the big birth day and beyond
But eventually you relaxed into motherhood
And to Prolactin’s Deluge
Somewhere around two months in
And the three of us slipped over the precipice.
I was too tired to notice at the time
But I wanted to have this word with you now.
Because when the ground sucked you down
I became… Earth Mother.
I want to say against my will
But I was not stupid to genetics or gravity.
And I did not choose my lot
But I did choose to provoke it
With that fateful injection.
Of sperm costlier than I could have ever imagined
The cost of my health
Having puked so much I needed months on IV to live
Costing 2 years of sleep.
And of course, the cost of –
The loss of
Collagen and elastin.
And I want to love you like some women learn
To love their thighs
All feminist righteousness.
But in all honesty I know I will not
Be able to love you like that.
Instead I will love you like
My people learn to love our mothers
Imperfectly, embarrassed with resentment and
Struggle, denial, and shame and humor.
So I taught my daughter to sing to me
What I teased my mother with as I grew up:
Do your boobs hang low
Do they wabble to and fro?
Can you tie ‘em in a knot?
Can you tie ‘em in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Do your boobs hang low?
And I totally let go
I let go of you, tits.
You can nurse this child
For 6 years for all I care
Until you reach my knees
What’s a few more inches
When we have come this far?
Note: We only nursed for 3 years 😉